Planned Slips

“We plan our slips.” I heard this during a recent OA meeting.

The statement broke through one of my ingrained self-deceptions. As a diabetic, I had “planned” my slips for years. Through long experience, I knew if I increased my insulin dose a bit here and a little there, I could eat whatever I wanted and still keep my blood sugars within an acceptable range—a well-known and dangerous game that many diabetics play.

I had even “subconsciously” given myself too much insulin so my blood sugar would fall and I would have to eat, usually something full of sugar, or run the risk of passing out and maybe worse. Nothing like a medication that “forces” you to eat!

I was so deep into the disease and self-delusion, I even convinced myself that if my blood sugars were fine, then my food plan must be right on track, and it certainly followed that I would soon find myself at my goal weight. But in truth, both remained elusive. Go figure.

The day I heard the “slip” comment, I learned two valuable lessons. First, this disease is as deceptive as I’ve been told, and my mind will whisper in my ear anything that will convince me to put more and more food into my mouth. Second, since the comment came during our meeting’s break period, it showed me once more that meetings are always worth the time, no matter what.

— Katy B., Medical Lake, Washington USA
From Lifeline Magazine, July 2014