My experience of finding my Higher Power is not like finding buried treasure with a map; finding my Higher Power is much more of a process and a journey. It’s more like finding my balance when learning how to walk, or finding my strength when I first begin to exercise.
In the beginning, I was so angry at the idea of God that I complained about the religious language in the Big Book. “Thee” and “Thou” seemed insulting to me, and all that talk about God and a Higher Power was off-putting. However, I did have a map of sorts (the Big Book) and some very important guides (sponsors) along the way.
I tried different ways to help myself find a Higher Power. I wrote a want ad, I wrote down all the characteristics I want in a Higher Power, and I talked with others about how they found theirs. But, two particular things I tried helped me most.
First, I “acted as if,” by following suggestions and the spiritual Principles of the program. I started to rely on the idea that if I do the next right thing, even when I’m scared, things will turn out all right. Now, they often do go the way I want, and I am taken care of.
Second, I found my Higher Power by spending time with him/her by meditating, taking quiet walks, humbly asking in prayer that I may see and feel this presence, and being open to the experience.
Shortly after getting abstinent, I rode on a roller coaster. I have always been afraid of roller coasters and am usually the person holding on with a death grip, eyes closed in the camera portraits. This time, I sincerely prayed for God’s help. After the scary and thrilling ride, I saw a photo of a smiling and happy person, and a picture is worth a thousand words.
In my fear, I talked with a God I barely knew. I asked for help and was brought a sense of peace. I am so very grateful for the relationship I have now with my Higher Power, and I’m eager to grow this relationship in the future.