About three years after I became abstinent, I was driving to a meeting when I felt the presence of God in my car. Peacefulness and calm came over me. It seemed as though God was guiding my driving, there in the car with me. I shared in the meeting about this experience, and someone whom I considered very spiritual asked me to sponsor her that day. (Later, I learned it was because of my share.) This image of having God in the car has stayed with me, and not only is my life saner, but my driving is saner as well.
I feel God’s presence throughout the day when I begin with prayer and meditation. I journal, often writing a letter to God, and read several daily meditation books. I have a box of more than one hundred prayers on little squares of paper which I divide into seven stacks, one stack per day. I read them slowly and concentrate on a few. I also have a variety of meditation practices and even a meditation app on my phone. During the day, whenever I have a few minutes of free time, I listen to guided meditations.
They take me to peaceful places — beautiful beaches, desert oases, mountains, or lush green valleys. I visualize myself being there, calm and relaxed.
For my first twenty-two years in program, I did not have a personal God. I knew it was the solution I was missing because I worked the Steps and used the Tools, but long-term recovery still eluded me. In 2002, I became abstinent when I made a spiritual connection and developed my own concept of God. It wasn’t the religious God my son and his family worship, so I still struggle with my God being good enough or authentic enough. But with my God’s help, I feel more comfortable and accepting with every passing day. I believe God is within each of us; I can look for him in each person as well as in nature and the universe. God is infinity. I know he is on my side, cheering for me, wanting me to live happy, joyous, and free. Having my God has made my life more meaningful and purposeful.
We all have our own idea of God, and I am not offended by anyone else’s. What works for me may not be right for you. Just as our food plans, triggers, and behaviors are all different, so too are our Higher Powers.
Thanks to my God, I have sanity around food today. I am maintaining a weight loss of 90 to 100 pounds (41 to 45 kg), and I have been at a healthy body weight for fourteen years.
I became abstinent when I made a spiritual connection and developed my own concept of God.
My life is beyond my wildest dreams when I am spiritually connected. I am forever thankful to our program for urging me to form a loving, vibrant, and enduring relationship with God.
~ Roberta L.